and raised on the banks of the River Alt with a bottle in one
hand and a Desert Eagle in the other, Fazza struggled as a youngster
to grasp the concept of non-violence against fellow voters. Recently
released from what he likes to call ‘The Dark Place’
he has gone from strength to strength and has become the unlikely
pretender to the throne, King of the Geeks. When in power, Fazza
promises to change many things, including peoples right to speak
freely. Crown Green Bowling will become mandatory for all voters
over the age of 18, and the practice of Religion ancient and modern
will be outlawed, except of course for the worship of EL CHEESECAKE
FAZZA. I feel a sub-heading coming on:-
would have thought that in this age of respect for all denominations
and beliefs, a man would rise to such power and have the authority
and I hesitate to say the audacity to outlaw all religion except
his own. El Cheesecake Fazza will be explained as soon as the
revolution comes but until now we will all sit tight, continue
to do multiple one armed pull ups and keep our pistols well cleaned.
How very leftfield.
to die in the long grasses of St Chads fields, Chris rose from
nothing to become the first man to receive the coveted ‘Tosser
of the Year Award.’ Unforseen by the critics he swept the
board in the annual ‘Fuckin Prick Academy Awards’
and astonished the hoy palloy with his startling acappella rendition
of ‘Im a gobshite what you gone do about it?’ at the
‘Knob Head of the Year’ revue in the summer of 93.
Since then he has become a model citizen and very likeable. In
fact he is no longer in any way a Cunt.
Neil:- Many believe he should burn.
by wolves in Skipton, nobody would expect Neil to rise to the
heights of Supreme Commander of all that grows, and they would
be right. So far Neil has only managed to gain control of every
man on the planet called Desmond. Though this is an achievement
in itself. Neil aspires to usurp the power currently possessed
by the governor’s of men called Harold, Abdul and Wilbert.
We fully endorse his plight and so should you. If your name
is any of the above and you make public your support for Neil,
you will be treated with mercy when the revolution comes.
Kev (Jervo):- The gingers will rise again.
at www.neveroutgunned.com we strongly believe that every ethnic
minority should have a representative, except when it comes to
Red Heads. Aside from the fact that we cant really see their eye
brows, Red Heads are fast becoming the scourge of our nation.
Kevin may be an upstanding citizen now, but in the past his unprecedented
damage to the fabric of out society has stayed true to the reputation
of Red Heads worldwide. He will continue to make reparations for
his past contribution to the downfall of society and I ask you
to support him, even if you have a normal hair tone. We’re
with you all the way Kev.
Robs:- More bikes than soft Joe.
to popular heresay Robs is not dying, he’s just wearing
a lightly coloured hat. Do not be fooled this is a ploy to make
you feel sorry for him and vote for him. Although Robs’s
promised policies are very promising. He plans to deem the pickling
of deceased elderly relatives to be the accepted norm and institutionalise
the widespread use of cattle prods in the home. We are sceptical
about his plan to veto all commerce outside of Westvale but he
must know something we don’t. (Other than how to simultaneously
milk the nipples of two men)
Blackcurrant cordial dependant.
wasn’t born, he grew in a green house and his parents
were tomato plants. After escaping the confines his botanical
childhood home, Peter ran off to the Americas were he served
for a long time as Sheriff of Hicksville. The residents of the
town soon realized he was a fraud and banished him and his sheriffs
badge from the country. Exiled to Leeds he is now spending his
winter years sewing pigskins into a swine carpet which he plans
to roll naked on and experience great mirth.
Casso (R.I.P):- It
always happens to the ugly ones.
group has its tragic tale to tell. Dave was a role model to
us all and he will be sorely missed. I personally didn’t
like him very much but that’s just one mans opinion. To
be honest we are not actually sure he is deceased as there have
been many sightings of him, in fact he was last seen working
in Ellis Brigham Mountain Sports on Bold Street Liverpool, these
crazy fans are all the same they just wont accept that he is
gone. Thankfully Dave’s extensive collection of retro
trainers have been restored and are on show for the public in
Open on Church Street Liverpool also known to few as the ‘Dave
Cassidy Memorial Trainer Museum.’